Attention! Announcing the latest single from the smash blog hit DIRTSPRITZ!: The Blog Musical. Here is Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. with “It Takes Me”, to the tune of “It Takes Two” from the (copyrighted) musical Hairspray.
Out there, it’s a bear’s world,
Nature’s circus unrestrained.
They’ll maul you and eat you.
Without a savior, you’ll be maimed.
And so I am here
To put bears underneath my reign.
Stephen Colbert
I am the king
To kill godless
Killing machines
It takes me, baby.
It takes me.
My gut feels the Right way.
To it all facts are compared.
I support the President.
The world needs more
Bombs up in the air.
The left will be running
As America’s teeth are bared.
Truthiness is all I speak
And I’ll shout at liberals
‘Til you I they weep.
It takes me, baby,
It takes me.
Williams is the anchor
Of the NBC Nightly News.
The Factor’s got O’Reilly.
Stewart? Well, he’s paid his dues.
The Report has got the power
To wipe them all away.
So turn me on your TV
And I’ll keep them all at bay.
You can purchase my man seed,
It’s Formula 401.
Make lots of Col-babies,
Watch my show when you are done.
I’ll let you ride the C Train, darling,
That’s no fucking pun.
So think about it,
I have not.
My wonky ear
Is really hot.
I’m the man
You can’t deny.
Charlene, babe,
Why’d you make me cry?
Come to me, baby,
It takes me.
Charlene, baby,
It takes me.
