Archive for January, 2010

Have so been neglecting my poor blog! 2010ย  has not been going as I had planned so far, for better and worse. In going to my primary care physician a few weeks back, I opened a huge, messy can of worms that I’m not sure I was prepared for and it’s kind of turned me upside down. I think the fog is finally lifting after me hitting a very low point this past week. But I’m feeling pretty good now, give or take moments, and I think this anti-anxiety medicine I’m on is starting to work in subtle ways.

As you all know, I’ve had a roommate for the past three weeks. We’re heading into our final week right now, she’s even going to get her keys for her new apartment today. It’s been oddly nice to come home and watch TV or just shoot the crap with someone, especially such a close friend. Don’t get me wrong, it’ll be very nice to have my apartment back next week also but this has overall been a pretty pleasant experience, for me at least. She seems to be okay with it too. ๐Ÿ™‚ And honestly, with how hard the past two weeks have been dealing with this new medication – something I’ve tried not to talk too much about on here but it’s been a very, very hard adjustment – she has been so supportive that I don’t know how I could have done it without her.

Other things seem to be falling in place a little bit, or at the very least changing. I gave my notice at the Opera House and will no longer be an assistant house manager there after The Lion King. Went much smoother than I thought and they could not have been nicer about it. This morning I signed up, for realsies, for the GMAT and I’m taking it April 17th, giving me about 2 and a half months to study. Starting to seriously think about where I want to try to go for my MBA and what exactly I want it in. But at least I took a few concrete steps in some direction, right or wrong.

The money situation is not getting any better but I just need to keep at it and try to be more conservative with spending. The exercise/eating right thing has completely gone out the window due to my having zero energy to do much of anything for the last two weeks but that’s going to changeย  as well.

2010 is already proving to be a busy year and we’re just barely done with January. Between now and the end of March I think I have one weekend that doesn’t have some kind of plan in it, from working to going places to whatever. It’s good to be busy but it’ll be nice to slow down a bit too.

Of course, Lost starts on Tuesday and I’m crazy excited for it, much to the annoyed amusement of my current roommate. Got Dreamgirls on Wednesday and Lion King coming up soon and a visit from my mother and work, concerts, basketball games, upcoming baseball season, upcoming award shows and various other fun and not fun things to think of.

So, we’ll see. Happy Sunday all!


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Okay, this is the official notice that all of my upcoming Lost talk and discussion will be happening over atย  my Lost blog Regarding Benry. This starts right now – well, in a few minutes once I get the post that I’m about to write posted. ๐Ÿ™‚


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“They’re coming”


9 MORE DAYS UNTIL LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Just Another Day

No, I haven’t fallen off a cliff. At least not physically. I gotta tell you, this anti-anxiety medication I’m on is a b to get in the groove of. It’s really thrown me for a loop. I’m always tired, except for some reason between about 7 to 9 pm. I have very little energy and just about no motivation to do anything. It has heightened a lot of emotions – to the point where I thought I was dying of breast cancer on Tuesday (long story, I’m fine) – and completely obliterated others. I think seeing Colin Firth on The Daily Show last evening was the first time I had acknowledged there is an opposite sex since I started taking this pill. What can I say? The man does it for me.

Weirdly, even though I feel like I’m living in a cloud or, better yet, sitting beside myself, I’m finding it incredibly easy to, for lack of a better term, think. I’m figuring things out at work much better than I used to, remembering things easier, and I feel very complacent about all of it. It’s crazy that this medication has had this kind of result after only a week but I’ve always been a little sensitive to medication so. I did go to the doctor again and she said she thought I was ok so that’s reassuring at least.

But I do hope this all settles down and soon. It’s a weird feeling. It’s like I’m here and I’m not. My favorite thing to do right now is see how absolutely still I can be, which is very unlike me. At least I’ve never slept better. This stuff completely knocks me out…hopefully that’s not a bad thing. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Whoa. I went to the doctor on Thursday – YAY! I finally have an awesome primary care physician! – and after a good discussion of some concerns I was having, she put me on two medications. Understand that I’m not one to take medication lightly. I don’t enjoy the idea of depending on medicine to keep me going but things had seemed to be spiraling out of control. So here’s what she did.

Pill #1: Citalopram (anti-depressant)

Full disclosure, I see no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed to be on an anti-depressant. I talked with my doctor about the anxiety attacks I’d been having, the almost constant worry about so many things big and small and we decided together that I should try taking an anxiety medication. I’m on a small dosage to start with. I started on Friday (two days ago) and obviously it’s too early to see any change other than that it’s wreaking havoc on my chemical make up. I took it first thing on Friday morning which was a huge mistake because it makes me very, very drowsy. A good side effect seems to be that it is an appetite suppressant, at least so far it is, so maybe that’ll help with getting my eating under control as well. I’m really hoping that this medicine can make a difference. I’ve long thought that it wasn’t normal to stress over every little thing and I’m not a failure because I need a little brain help.

Pill #2: Aviane (birth control)

Well, it’s been a while but I’m back on birth control. Again, my doctor and I talked about some concerns I was having about adult acne and various other things and we thought trying this first would be best. And since Pill #1 is a libido killer as well (that side effect has definitely set in), I really don’t need this for anything other than the acne. ๐Ÿ™‚ Started it this morning and we’ll see how it works. The acne thing has been really difficult to deal with lately and it’s affecting my already low self-esteem.

So we’ll see. I was really nervous to go to the doctor after having not gone is so long but it went pretty well. She told me I needed to lose weight (duh) but otherwise I’m pretty healthy so that’s good. I just need to get my mental health back in working order.

Eh, I’ve probably shared too much on here but for some reason it doesn’t bother me at all. Weird. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Late Night Trouble

What a mess! 5 years ago, NBC signed Conan O’Brien to be the next host of The Tonight Show, ousting Jay Leno who, to be fair, usually had huge numbers with that show. 2009 comes and O’Brien and his entire staff and their families move from New York to Los Angeles to start The Tonight Show and the numbers have been a bit shaky, routinely coming in second to The Late Show with David Letterman. Then the real kicker: Jay Leno gets his own show in primetime at 10 pm. Publicly, O’Brien is very gracious about it. As expected, NBC’s experiment with bringing late night programming into their failing primetime line up failed fantastically. News organizations start complaining that they no longer have carry-over viewers from the 10pm slot making things all the worse for Conan and The Tonight Show.

In the last few days, NBC announced that it is cancelling The Jay Leno Show due to poor ratings. The network’s solution though is to put Leno on for 30 minutes at the 11:30 time slot, move The Tonight Show (which has ALWAYS been on at 11:30) to 12:05 and move Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to 1am. Who the hell knows when Carson Daly will be on. In a nutshell, NBC, and by extension Jay Leno, screwed Conan O’Brien and his staff by pursuing a foolish deal with devil to get higher ratings – which they won’t.

All parties involved, and the CBS guys, have made comedy gold out of the situation on their late night programs including Jay Leno who bashed NBC for the way they’ve handled this whole mess. O’Brien released a statement on Tuesday, a very respectable statement, saying he will not follow Jay Leno and will leave it up to NBC to decide what they want to do. If they keep to this current plan, O’Brien says he’ll walk.

As Letterman put it a night or two ago, and I completely agree, all of this is about money. NBC wasn’t getting enough revenue out of Jay Leno at 10pm but they recognize he still has a following from his Tonight Show audience. Conan O’Brien has not been getting great ratings with the Tonight Show and in this entertainment climate, time is not often given to a show to find its legs, especially when on a struggling network like NBC. Jay Leno obviously still wants to be on television and he figures NBC is desperate enough to give him whatever he wants (already been proven with him getting that 10pm show). O’Brien is due a huge sum of money from NBC to be host of The Tonight Show. If it comes down to NBC breaking some kind of clause in O’Brien’s contract by moving Leno to 11:30, that means a huge payday to O’Brien. But similarly, if O’Brien is in breach of contract – I don’t know, haven’t read about that yet – by walking from The Tonight Show, he’s going to lose out on a huge sum of money. Doesn’t matter that all these people are already richer than dirt, we’re talking millions of dollars at stake.

So here are my thoughts on this whole situation. If we look past the money aspect of this to the ethical implications of NBC’s plan, it’s basically bullshit. O’Brien, his family, and his staff uprooted their whole lives to do The Tonight Show and were told, maybe under a misconception, that they’d get the chance to come into their own on the show. It may have been that NBC was too hasty in getting rid of Jay Leno from The Tonight Show but that’s what the decision was and the network needs to stand by it. If Jay Leno were the decent person that he’s reportedly supposed to be, he’d step down and Fox would eat him up in a heartbeat for their own 11:30 show.

What’s getting lost in this fight is the integrity of the program these guys are trying to put on. The Tonight Show has been a staple of late night programming for decades, made cherished by the late great Johnny Carson. I’ll admit that I don’t watch Conan on a regular basis because it’s on too late but the times I’ve seen it, I’ve been impressed. He has managed to keep some of his weird humor on a show that has to appeal to mainstream audiences. And the real irony of all of this is that the winner of this situation has already been declared. He’s over on CBS at 11:30, laughing all the way to the bank.

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So Long, Farewell…

Another season over. Sad to lose so soon in the playoffs but oh well. Won’t be seeing the boys again till July/August. It’ll be interesting to see what offseason moves they make. Till then, there’s always Mets baseball to look forward to.

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