Archive for August, 2007


Please do not let this post deter you from reading the one below, the first song released from DIRTSPRITZ: The Blog Musical

Tony Snow is leaving September 14th! And not because of his cancer! Because he doesn’t make enough money. Whether that report is true or not, I don’t know, but here is where I read it.


Any chance we can get Cheney to resign, since all these other people are?


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Doobraye Ootra Baltimore!


To the tune of “Good Morning, Baltimore” from the hit musical Hairspray.


Oh, oh, oh,
Voke up today,
Am being da vay I alvays be!
Oh, oh, oh,
Hungry for someding but I cannot eat
That runvay, it calls.
In heels I von’t fall
My accent is suddenly German now
Oh, oh, oh,
Get out of my vay
Your next top model, she is taking her bow
Doobraye Ootra Baltimore!
Every runvay’s an open floor
Every show is a gotta see
Every photo da best of me
Doobraye Ootra Baltimore!
And one day ven Tyra opens de door
Da vorld is going to vake up to see
Da next top model, she is me!
Oh, oh, oh,
Look at my lips
Dey pout out nine inches from my face
Oh, oh, oh,
My МУЖ, he is making sure dat I is all set
I  glad dat we met
I only eighteen
But my marriage is keen
My baby, she cries because I not at home
Oh, oh, oh
Get out of my vay so dat I can make love to de phone
Doobraye Ootra Baltimore!
Dere’s Renee, is a СУКА, a whore
Left her baby to come compete
So did I, not very neat.
Doobraye Ootra Baltimore!
And one day ven Tyra opens dat door
De vorld is gonna vake up to see
De next top model, she is me!
I know every pose
I know every shot
I don’t speak good English, I hopes I not caught
I see all dose models starving ahead
So someone cook ОБЕД before dey drop dead!
So, oh, oh,
I paving de road
Cause ven I start to vogue, I be a star
Something inside of me comes alive
I can get down and jive
My accent it is bad
But it makes me so glad
Dere’s a Russian ТАНЦОР inside my heart
Oh, oh, oh,
Don’t make me vait one more момент for my life to start!
остерегайся Baltimore!
Every runvay’s an open floor
Every show is a gotta see
Every photo de best of me
And I promise Baltimore
Dat some day when Tyra opens my door
De vorld is going to vake up and see
Going to vake up and see
Next Top Model, She is me!
De Next Top Model is me!
She is me!

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I have a feeling this one is going to be challenging. #3 in my series of live blogging shows I’ve already seen, now I do “Women’s Appreciation” of Season 3 of The Office (cannot wait for the DVD!).

9pm – Michael pretending to read the Wall Street Journal. Hehehe, he thought the pic byline was a cartoon! Jan is trying to buy him for sex. This is when she got truly bizarre. And having her assistant be on the call too! Gross.

9:01pm – love that opening. I sing yet there are no words.

9:01pm – someone exposed himself to Phylis in the parking lot. Michael is so insenstitive! Laughing cause someone would expose themself to Phylis and not someone more attractive.

9:02pm – OMG, michael put his finger down his pants! How does that not get you fired?

9:03pm – Love Michael’s hatred for Toby. Its just so unfounded! “my primary goal is to keep people safe”. SAFE WORD: foliage. HAHAHA love it. Jan is so sick.

9:04pm – Emergency Anti-Flash Task Force. And in typing that, I missed a Jim camera look. 😦

9:05pm- “penises on the brain”. How does that not get a “that’s what she said”?

9:05pm – Oh Pam and your not at all hidden love for Jim. And I really just do not like Karen. She’s very bland.

9:06pm – I also love Michael’s underlying flirting/harrassment of Pam. He just suggested she show more cleavage. Maybe I’ll be a Michael/Pam shipper. Are those called Mams?

9:07pm – Katie just called me. Everyone hold. So I guess I just missed like 10 seconds of Michael saying something silly into the camera on his talking head. I will laugh as I’m sure I would have. Hahaha

9:09pm – Still on commercial break. I will say that NBC has slightly better commercials than Comedy Central. Definitely louder anyway. Watching The Office, you have to have the remote handy cause the show needs to be loud and the commericials have to be turned down. That was interesting huh? These really are long commercial breaks.

9:11pm – BACK. “A penis, when seen in the right light, can be the most wonderful sight for a woman”. Again, how is he not fired?

9:12pm – he is just dumping on all of these women! What a total a-hole.

9:12pm – ANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He got one line and I laughed and I coughed 🙂

9:13pm – Dwight “I wish I could menstruate” So good.

9:13pm – Kelly is so excited to go to the mall. And Dwight’s face on the pervert notice!

9:14pm – ANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Working with Dwight. Not good. AND HE GOT A CAMERA LOOK!!!!! I don’t care what you guys say, I love Andy Bernard and Ed Helms. LONG LIVE ANDY

9:15pm – Ah, the scene where they try to coach Michael on his relationship with Jan. I loved the back and forth with Pam and Karen on this one. Oh, I guess it comes later.

9:16pm – One of the best lines of the season is Angela’s about ordering clothes for large colonial dolls. Priceless

9:16pm – Here’s the scene I was speaking of. Michael’s crying. I love seeing comedians fake cry. So funny. Watching actors or even real men actually cry? Another story. And that still wasn’t the scene I was thinking of. Am I just remembering this wrong?

9:17pm – Commercial break. Season 3 DVD promo! Comes out next Tuesday and I’m super jazzed for it. Once I get it, the first thing I’m going for is the blooper reel. I enjoy this show so much. Sad it won’t be on next Thursday, even if it was gonna be a rerun. But football season starting makes it all okay I guess. Seriously, why can’t Brady Quinn be the Browns QB? I just don’t get it.  Anyway, back to The Office. This is a really great episode. The amount of sexual harrassment and innuendo and just general wrongness is through the roof, which is why this show is so funny. Same thing that happened with Arrested Deve…

9:21pm – Its back. Now I think this is scene I was thinking of between Pam and Karen. OOH, that was foreshadowing about Jan’s breasts.

9:22pm – ooo, wait a bitchy look from Karen. I can’t fully blame her but still. Hehe, Jim is asleep. Cute. And they all are in the women’s room. Creed pays to go in there. Which is just too creepy.

9:23pm – Creed likes to do #2 in the women’s bathroom. Why? I don’t want to know.

9:23pm – ANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, he’s getting back at Dwight. So clever. He’s angry now in other ways! 🙂 That was a pretty good prank to pull on Dwight. Andy is stepping up to Jim now. And speaking of, Jim has just not been in this episode! SAD. 😦

9:24pm – Watching this show makes me feel like I’m at work. Very similar to the way my office looks. I guess its the lighting.

9:25pm – It has taken a while to warm up to Jan. I’m not sure I’m there yet. She’s just a little too crazy. I’m going through Nancy Walls withdrawl.

9:26pm – Steve Carell has a face made of rubber. So talented. “They are ununderstandable”.

9:27pm – Okay, Michael trying to get the penny back out of the fountain is perfect. “I wish Angela a heart, Kelly a brain”. So mean, so true.

9:27pm – And that was it. Except for the tag, that was the whole episode. I enjoyed typing while watching, I could never ever do it if I hadn’t seen the episode before. I’m sure it was entirely not enjoyable to read, as #2 was. And now, I’m sure you are thinking that I am going to try to end this post with a “that’s what she said” joke. But you know what?

I’m not.

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Okay, kids. The second in my series of live blogging shows I have already seen. You may remember the first was an episode of Frasier. Next up, a rerun of The Colbert Report. Admittedly, I was going to do tonight’s rerun of The Office, but I don’t feel well, so I’m going to bed at 9. And so we begin…

8:27pm – I don’t know if there will be a toss tonight. I love the tosses.

8:28pm – OOH TOSS! About Karl Rove leaving. Stephen is saying Rove is going to work for him. “Feces geranium”. Hahaha. Rove is such a jackass. “I’m unstoppable!”. Hahaha, yes you are.

8:29pm – They need to do a DVD filled with all the moments of zen from The Daily Show. It’d be awesome I think.

8:29pm – YES, the one where he’s freaking out about not having his pain pills for his broken wrist. So funny, couldn’t get the cameras straight.

8:30pm – Everytime I watch the opening, I have to make that eagle sound. Cawww! Oh, he’s such a druggie. And the glasses are off! WOOHOO.

8:31pm – Why do men wear pinstripped suits with polka dot ties? No! Do not mix and match patterns, please.

8:32pm – Licking the pill bottle! Pill juice. “I’m having mild hallucinations. Bats” Love it!

8:33pm – Love his scared face about Rove leaving. “I see numbers and five is very angry”. I don’t know why that’s funny, but it is. He’s still all drugged out. Hilarious.

8:34pm – And the fangirls go crazy as he makes sounds underneath the desk.

8:34pm – THE WORD: White Guy. About Elizabeth Edwards. He doesn’t see gender. Very hard to type and watch the Word at the same time. This isn’t a very good one, none of the jokes are landing. Very awkward.

8:37pm – Commercial break. Yeah, not a great opening segment, but what can you do. I think that is the problem with this show. I love it to pieces and when it is on, it is on fire. But sometimes it just doesn’t go. The Daily Show is a lot more consistent. But as I said, I love this show and this guy. So whatever. I have to say I do hate these breaks that they take. Everytime the shows go on reruns, something huge happens in Bushland and we are left to our own comic devices to make fun of all of it. Not right. I’m desperately trying to fill these friggin long Comedy Central commercial breaks. I swear, they are at least 4 to five minutes long. And this is getting painful for me. It was painful for you a long time ago.


8:41pm – #5: Bats. I didn’t know bats give honey. Is that true? I can never tell on this show what is and isn’t true. Bats are scary. HAHAHA, he just did a bat impression. That was friggin’ hilarious!

8:42pm – #4: Monkeys. Oh God, this is that “monkey on the lamb” graphic, with a monkey riding a lamb and shooting a gun. Very funny. The screenshot was my computer background for a while. I love this show’s graphics. Very funny. The funniest one was the Jesus shooting behind the rock.

8:43pm – #3: Karl Rove – made into a gorilla. Call his kid “Karl Rove” on the playground. He’s upset, so he’s having more pills.

8:44pm – #2: Marmosett – Leave it to this show to use an animal I don’t know how to spell. Past 8pm, I get really stupid, people. Monkey on the Lamb again. Obviously cracks him up.

8:45pm – #1: BEARS! Of course its bears. This show will never be able to do a threatdown without bears. Tonight, panda bears. A male had a baby. “Freaky little non-functioning bear weiner” FTW. Insult a male grizzly by saying he is hung like a panda. That’s a really weird thought. That panda pic is really cute though. This show has made me have a thing against bears. That’s just sad.

8:46pm – Commerical break. Well this episode isn’t much fun, is it? Perhaps I should have held out and done The Office instead. Maybe I’m not in the mood. I can’t seem to shake this cold. I still don’t know if I’m going to Provincetown tomorrow, as I still have quite a nagging cough and my feeling better went dramatically downhill as the day went on. As did my voice. Very annoying.

8:48pm – Back. I guess their commercials aren’t that long. Guest: Michael Jacobson, some nutrition guy.

8:49pm – Now, I know most critics and Colbert praisers will say that the best part of the episode is the interview. I, for one, cannot stand it. I find them, for the most part, boring. Especially when the guest just laughs through the whole thing.

8:50pm – “hot dog pie” If I hadn’t already lost my appetite…

8:51pm – Healthy foods have no flavor. I so agree with this. Too bad I think the character is lying.

8:52pm – “Name anything as flavorable as Cheddar Combos” to which I say “damn straight”

8:53pm – Dude, the guest just trashed Americone Dream, Colbert’s ice cream. Which is wrong, cause that ice cream is fucking awesome. I can’t buy it anymore cause I eat it too fast. Now, the guest just promoted Cherry Garcia over Americone Dream. Very wrong.

8:54pm – OMG, this interview is BORING! I can’t even find anything to talk about. Yes, these foods are bad for you. Yes, they taste good. We get it, let’s move on.

8:55pm – “Jesus said ‘you are the salt of the earth’. Are you calling Jesus a liar?” Awesome. I love the religious stuff on the show.

8:56pm – Commercial break. Meaning time for me to run to my kitchen for a drink. 🙂 Well this was a good way to waste 30 minutes. I’m feeling awake now. So I think I will live blog The Office. Hopefully it goes better than this one did. I will try this show again later on, maybe I can get more out of it. For now, this was just a grand experiment. Over and out to get ready for The Office.

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Like a thousand people are moving out of my building right now. That’s an exageration, but seriously, I counted at least 4 apartments.

Makes me nervous, don’t know why.

That’s all I got.

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21pkikjychl_sl110_.jpgThe audiobook of I Am America And So Can You, the new Stephen Colbert book that comes out in October, looks to be AMAZING!!!! I haven’t preordered the book, but I did preorder this audiobook months ago. I highly recommend that you do as well. Look at the people who are gonna be on it, not to mention Colbert himself is doing it too.

Jon Stewart, Allison Silverman, Paul Dinello, Amy Sedaris, Evie Colbert, Greg Holliman, David Pasquesi (aka Stew the Meat Man), and others.

This is going to be soooo good. Will try to keep my enthusiasm down, but this was too good not to share.

Thanks to NoFactZone: http://www.nofactzone.net/?p=2101

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An article in the Washington Post about a leaked Iraq progress report. Apparently whoever leaked this report was afraid that the White House would water down the more realistic thus more negative findings. I can see why they were scared of that. This report, affectionately dubbed the GAO, says that only 3 of the 18 benchmarks have been met, that violence against Iraqi civilians has not changed in the surge, and that the Iraqi forces are not yet ready to defend their own country.

Asked to comment on the GAO draft, White House spokesman Gordon Johndroe said, “General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker are there on the ground every day in Iraq, and it’s important to wait to hear what they have to say.”

Should we start taking bets now on what this whole report is going to end up being? Bush is gonna spin it so that he gets our stupid-ass Congress to give him more money for this war, with no set deadlines to leave and it is just going to be the same shit we’ve been dealing with the last 4 and a half years.  I don’t understand also how, at this point, the situation in Iraq is going to be any different two weeks from now,which just so happens to be around the 6th anniversary of 9/11. Isn’t that funny? Grrr.

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